The military lifestyle is a tremendous rollercoaster. The highs are incredible and the lows are often dark and lonely. Its a lifestyle that can take you all over the world, but continually forces you to start over time after time. The friends are often fast and true, they can relate to your struggles and emotions. Your kids are taken out of their schools, away from their friends, and have to find their place in a new school and home. The lowest of the lows, by far, is watching your child struggle with missing their soldier.
When we started this deployment I had a loose idea of how my children would handle it. I figured it would be hard on Michael after about a month of Brian's absence. Brian is an outstanding father and spends lots of time with the boys, often taking Michael out on Saturdays for a guys day. They play and talk and are the best of friends. Michael is used to him being gone for a few weeks at a time and handles it all pretty well so I knew the first month would not be much of a struggle for him. I figured that 5-6 weeks in would be when he really started to feel his absence and I was dead on. We were right at the 6 week mark when he started expressing that he missed him and asking how many days until he was home. Technology, once again, came through for the win. I was able to download an app on my phone called Doing Time that shows a pie chart, percentages (time complete and time left), and days. When he asks the questions about time I am able to hand him the phone to look at and he understands and seems to accept it. What absolutely broke my heart though, was when Brian asked him what he wanted from Mommy and Daddy for Christmas and he replied "a kiss from Daddy." My heart shattered. This boy is so strong and resilient. He is so in tune with his emotional needs and he verbalizes them so well, but its hard for me to hear him express sadness that I can't fix. I know that he's tough and will get through it though, he is so amazing!
What I did not anticipate was how much Parker would miss Brian. He wasn't quite 1.5 when he left and I figured that he wouldn't really notice. Boy, was I wrong! We often talk to Brian in the car over the stereo system and Parker loves to yell "dada!" and say "HI!" over and over again. Usually, when we get back to the house he will run around looking for him, but doesn't really fall apart when he can't find him, he just moves on to doing Parker things. More recently, he's been picking up the iPad or phone and asking for him. He knows that we FaceTime and use the phone to call him so he will pick up the phone, shove it in my face, and say "DADA, DADA, DADA" until he gets what he wants. Sometimes he can be distracted, but yesterday he was insistent upon talking to him. I tried to delay enough so that Brian would be awake, but Parker wasn't having it. He ended up locking me out of my phone for a solid 5 minutes because he was going to call him himself if I didn't do it for him. This only set off his toddler tantrum even more. I bought a few minutes of peace by pulling up some photos, but they aren't interactive so it was a short-lived solution. Finally I gave in and called Brian, waking him up at 5:30 in the morning, his time. He talked to Parker for a bit, but Parker just wanted him and continued to meltdown because he couldn't have him. It was difficult to fight back my own tears because again, I couldn't fix what was making my child sad. To make matters worse, I couldn't explain to him on a level that he could understand why he couldn't have his dad. He just knew that he wanted his dad and he wasn't getting him. He eventually calmed down and went back to destroying whatever was in his path purely for his own joy, but its still hard knowing that he hurts too. I never would have thought that such a young toddler would be so affected by his father's absence. These military kids are definitely forced into resiliency young age. They are a special breed.
Thankfully, we are more than halfway through this separation. The holidays have the potential to be sad, but we are seeing them as another major monthly event to look forward to to help the time pass more quickly. We have 2 major holidays and an anniversary left before what is sure to be an exciting reunion! Stay tuned for some of our December fun!
Criers
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