Chloe

As most of you know from Facebook, I lost my sweet furbaby of almost 12 years on Tuesday.  My heart is completely broken and our house feels incomplete without her here.  I actually am having a bit of anxiety being in the house without her, its really hard.  Chloe was more than just a cat to me, I got her during a very hard time in my life and went through some hard times with her.  She was completely obsessed with me, talked to me, slept with me, followed me everywhere, she was a great friend and family member.  I am having a really hard time looking at her things or pictures of her right now, so I won't be posting any photos yet (I have also not paid for more photo space on the blog), but they will come eventually.

I got Chloe when I was 15 years old because John wasn't letting me see my dog.  Most of you know my history with John, so I won't get into that...but my dog, Lucky, was everything to me.  I was heartbroken when he was keeping him from me, so my mom offered to let me get a cat.  She didn't think I would get one because I have never really liked cats (I couldn't get a dog bc she travelled too much), but her offer of the cat was sincere.  I wanted a furry companion so badly, so I took her up on the offer.  I immediately picked up a newspaper to see if there were any free kittens in the area.  I began by calling a few numbers and no one picked up.  The third number I called answered the phone, so we were off to look at some kittens.  When we entered the house there was an adorable black and white kitty that I was drawn to, but the family said they were keeping it.  The two they were giving away were a calico and a muted calico.  The muted calico was super sweet and loving and the calico was adorable, but a bit of a spazz.  I couldn't decide which one, but my gut told me to go with the calico, so I took her.  I kept trying to hold her, but she would climb up me, jump off and fly through the air before sprinting around the room.  After we left with her I decided to go to Petsmart for some supplies and I wanted to take her in.  Immediately upon entering the store she did her same climb, fly, and sprint thing and took off for the back of the store.  I thought I had lost her then, but we found her hiding underneath some dog food at the back of the store. I took her home and she hid most of the first night despite my efforts to snuggle with her.

We took her to the vet the next day to get her initial check-up and shots.  When the vet brought her back to me from being weighed she walked right over to me and sat down on my lap.  After that, I was toast.  She had stolen my heart and we developed a very deep bond that only grew over the next 11.5 years.  As a kitten, Chloe would sit on the end of my bed waiting for me to throw a toy mouse for her.  When I tossed it she would back flip off the bed and then pull herself across the floor with her front claws (until she was declawed) before retrieving the toy and bringing it back to me.  She would wait for me at the top of the stairs peeking through the banister and pop out when I reached her.  She always greeted me with a bugle or sweet meow.  If I meowed back at her we would go back and forth for an entire conversation.

When we lived in our house in Hunter's Landing she enjoyed laying in the kitchen window (especially when it was open).  Once we moved she was elated to find sun spots out on the deck.  She learned my schedule once I started driving and knew when my curfew was.  I could always find her waiting for me at the end of the night on the stairs.  Once I got home, she would come up to bed with me.  She liked to sleep in that area between my knees and my stomach when I laid on my side.  She would snooze in the small of my back when I was on my stomach.  If she was feeling extra clingy she would sleep across my neck.  Sometimes I would even wake up to her licking my forehead.

Chloe lived with me in Raleigh, Wilmington, Ft Lauderdale, Washington, and Oklahoma. She was there for Brian's year in Korea and both of his deployments.  She knew when I was sad and just needed someone to snuggle with.  She would get upset if things were too messy and out of place and would try to punish Maddi when her closet got to messy by peeing on whatever was on the floor.  She loved napping in sunny spots and in front of the fireplace, her kitty bed, cat nip, hair rubber bands, drinking running water straight out of the faucet, tuna, fresh deli turkey, humpy puppy (a giant stuffed dog that she would hump all the time), getting in the warm spot in the bed when you get up, having her chin scratched, any feathery toy, and me.  I could tell that this 10 lb ball of fur really loved me.  She was always so happy to see me, always gave me a vocal greeting, and loved to snuggle with me.  She would also watch out for Mikey, she would run to him if he cried, she sat on the boppy with him when I rocked him to sleep, she sat on his changing table to watch him sleep, and watched him nap from on top of the couch.  She had a furry little heart of gold.

The vet says that organophosphate poisoning is what took Chloe from me.  Organophosphates are commonly found in most pesticides and are very lethal to cats.  Our best guess is that a neighbor put some out to get rid of the plethora of stray cats in the neighborhood and Chloe got into it when she escaped the house for about 15 minutes on Sunday night.  Monday morning around 9 am, Chloe came into the entry way and howled at me like she usually does before she throws up.  I looked at her and she started to breath hard and shallow like she does just before she throws up.  I stood there and watched her to make sure she didn't go onto the carpet, but she never threw up, she just fell over to one side.  I went to her, and she was still breathing hard and shallow, I held her to try to get her to relax and she laid her head down on me.  When I put her back on the floor she wasn't putting any weight on her front left paw.  I thought maybe she had injured herself, so I called the vet to make an appointment.  They told me that I could bring her in at 3:30 and I told them that wasn't going to work, Mikey had an appointment at 2:50 and we would probably not be done.  They then told me there was an opening at 10:30, so I took that.  I put Chloe in her bed so that I could get myself ready and something just wasn't right with her.  She was so limp and not getting herself comfy like she usually does, so I hurried to get ready and took her right away.

We got there at 9:30 and I explained that she just didn't seem right and I would rather sit at the vet for an hour than sit at home for an hour.  They put me in a room and Chloe just laid all pathetically on me.  Her back feet started twitching and her eyes kept dilating and constricting.  Her neck got more limp and she pooped right on my lap...I panicked.  I called for the vet and told her that she's getting worse, her breathing was getting more labored too.  They came in and took her for a chest x-ray to see if there was any sort of hernia or puncture.  When they brought her back they said her chest x-rays were normal, so it was something neurological.  They took her to an oxygen chamber and put her on IV fluids and sent me away.  I got in the car and lost it.  I just knew she wasn't going to be okay.  I sobbed the whole way home and for another 30 minutes at home.  I was told to call the vet at noon to check on her.  We called and there was no change.  We called again at 3 and they said that her breathing had stabilized some, she seemed a bit better.  I had a bit of hope and clung to it.  I called once more at 5 to confirm my assumption that she was spending the night.  They told me she was doing a bit better and to call at 10 am.  I should add that I made Brian call every time because I couldn't stand to get bad news.  The next morning the vet called around 9 and I knew it was bad.  I handed the phone to Brian to answer and my heart was beating out of my chest.  I knew what the vet was saying before Brian even said anything.  Chloe wasn't going to get better.  I lost it completely.  Seeing my poor kitty so scared and messed up broke my heart.  Knowing that I didn't get to spend the last night of her life with her destroyed me.  I went to change clothes, but collapsed on the bed because I didn't want to face it.  I called my sister hysterical, I could hardly talk to her, she knew what was going on and mourned with me.

Once I got changed we headed to the vet to say goodbye.  When they brought Chloe to me she was completely limp and had no control over her body at all.  She was barely breathing, wheezing really, and her eyes weren't focusing on anything. Her usually peach colored nose and paw pads were black.  She was already gone.  I held her close to me, kissed her on her forehead, scratched her chin, and snuggled her the way I always do.  I sobbed...hysterically.  I told her I was sorry, so sorry.  I told her how much joy and happiness that she brought me, how she was the best furry friend I ever could have asked for.  I told her how much everyone loved her and gave her kisses for my sister and mom.  Brian and Mikey rubbed her head.  I told her I wished that I could do ANYTHING to help her.  I told her that she could go now, that she could be free from pain and rest peacefully.  It was so hard.  Brian had to sign the paperwork because I couldn't.  They asked me if I wanted to take her with me and do something with her, but I couldn't.  There was no way I could take her to be cremated, I would want to curl up in bed with her and snuggle if we had taken her...and that is just weird and pretty disturbing...so I told the vet "I can't".  I held her for a while and loved on her until the end and a little beyond.  When they took her I didn't think I would be able to stand, my legs were jello and my stomach in my throat.  The past two days have been horrible, almost impossible to get through.  My heart aches, my house feels empty, and her bed, toys, and Christmas stocking are a constant reminder that she's gone.

I will miss Chloe forever, she helped me through some very trying times and brought me so much happiness.  I can tell K.C. is confused and looking for her...she even seems mad at me.  I was desperately for her to snuggle with me and let me hold her...but that isn't her style.  KC snuggles on KC's terms.  I love her to death, but she doesn't need me like Chloe does (Chloe would have had a complete meltdown if she had ever been rehomed...KC would probably not care at all).  When I am able to go through my pictures of Chloe I will post them.  Hug your furry family members tight...I can't believe how quickly she was taken from me.

I love you Merlin Weaz!