Deployment's End

There's just something about the end of a deployment that stirs up all of the emotions. There's hope for a smooth transition into being a complete family again. There's the discomfort that comes with watching your spouse discipline your children when you've grown so used to being the sole disciplinarian.  There's the frustration that its so close, yet still feels so far away.  The excitement about being back with your number 1 teammate.  The annoyance that time isn't moving faster.  So many emotions bottled up in one event.

We are so close that I can almost feel his arms around me, yet I feel so down and defeated by my children tonight.  Parker was just horrible today.  He screamed and tantrumed for the better part of the day and his loving big brother instigated it in the rare moments he was happy.  Michael didn't listen at all today and gave me lots of attitude.  He challenged me on everything today.  I feel like I've been mauled by a tiger and I just feel done, I'm done with the solo parenting gig, I'm done with the bad behavior, I'm tired and I'm run down.  I'm ready to have Brian back, I miss him.  To add insult to injury, someone said something to me Tae Kwon Do tonight about Parker's behavior and lack of self control.  First off, he's not even 2.  Second, f*** off.  I know I'm not the only person to go through this, but after the day week that I've had I really don't need to hear it from you.  So now I get to feel embarrassed and self conscious too.  I'm doing the best I can and feel like I'm failing.  I know my kids are acting like assholes, but I'm trying.

Tomorrow is a new day and will bring new happiness, the end of this whole separation is so so close.  I will wake up with new energy and a better attitude.  I'm excited and ready for a new day. Tonight, I'm going to curl up in bed, watch a cheesy feel good show like 7th Heaven or Full House, have a beer and continue feeling done.