Maternity Photos and Chinese Chicken

So...after messing around with the scanner for like 2 days, my idiot self finally figured out how to scan stuff.  Yes, we have had this printer/scanner since Brian got home from Afghanistan and I go through this every time I want to scan something.  I think that I'll remember because its pretty easy...but I guarantee next time I have to scan this will happen again.  Oh well.  Here's to hoping these photos upload quicker than the last.  I would write something about our maternity photo shoot...but I'm kind of waiting on Brian Mullins (click to check out his page) to post on his blog about it first.  All I have to say right now is that he is a STELLAR photographer and I will continue to pimp him out to anyone and everyone getting married. It was hot as balls (yes, that is a technical term) and uber humid the day that we shot...so if you have never seen my hair the way that it looks prior to being straightened you are in for a treat.  I also got eaten by mosquitoes...but that's okay because its been over a year since I had had a mosquito bite...there aren't too many of those in Washington.  The shoot was done exactly on the 33 week mark, so I guess I should add some pictures to the "Growing Baby C" section.  There were a ton of awesome pictures, but I didn't need an entire disc of me looking like a beached whale, so we picked a few to order (it was hard to narrow it down).  Thank you Brian!!!

Beginning of the shoot...pre-crazy hair and drenched in sweat

He is an amazing photographer

I LOVE this picture, Brian looks so sweet!

My hair is officially full on crazy at this point

Ok...I'm sure you are wondering what the "Chinese Chicken" part of the title means.  Well, here's the story:

I was snoozing beautifully last night, had only gotten up twice to go to the bathroom and went back to sleep extremely quickly.  At about 4:30 AM I was awoken by a noise that sounded like someone was either trying to get into my back door or someone knocking.  It scared the bejeezus out of me, but I have been feeling ballsy lately, so I got my huge self up and out of bed and lumbered into the living room.  What do I find??  Its the cover off of the doggy door and its being pushed in from the outside.  Okay, I'm too tired to actually be scared, so I flip on the light and look out the window.  Its none other than KC sitting there trying to get back into the house.  I think about it for a second and remember specifically letting both cats back in and placing the cover on the doggy door before heading to bed.  Obviously my fat furball had figured out how to get the door cover off (probably accidentally while rubbing her lips all over it).  She had also figured out how to get outside...which is slightly amazing for her, she's a little on the slow side.  However, she could not figure out how to get back in and was pawing frantically at the swinging portion of the doggy door.  So I rip the door open and my waking beast manner and waddle outside to grab her.  What does she do?? She runs from me!  I am so not in the mood to chase this hairball around the backyard at 4:30.  So I stomp back inside in frustration and shut the door in hopes that she will come back to the door wanting in.  It sort of works...well enough for me to rip the door open again and grab her fat body (as she screams at me) and toss her back into the house.  I replaced the dog door cover immediately.  On the way back to the bedroom I trip on not 1, not 2, but 3 pairs of Brian's shoes that are strategically placed to alert us of any burglars trying to make their way to our bedroom (not really, he just kinda leaves his shoes where ever and then can never find them).  I curse and huff and puff...he doesn't stir one bit.  I feel so safe with him sleeping beside me...

After getting comfortable in bed again I hear a crash in the living room.  KC had, once again, removed the cover to the kitty door and was pawing at the door to go out.  I swat her because I am too tired to give her a proper beating (for all you animal cops out there, I don't actually abuse my animals, I just pound on them enough so they listen to me...and its fun to talk about beating the cats).  I replace the dog door cover and put a chair in front of it.  HA!  TAKE THAT!  LET'S SEE HOW NOT HAVING THUMBS WORKS OUT FOR YOU THIS TIME!  WINNING! I make my way back to bed, hurdling the shoes because bending down to move them is way too much effort.  

After laying there for about 15-20 minutes still in a state of fury and frustration I start to wonder where Chloe is.  For the majority of the night she had conveniently placed herself right about knee level on the bed exactly where my legs should be extending.  I figure that it won't hurt to get up and go to the bathroom, so I head in.  Chloe usually follows me immediately in hopes that I will turn the bathroom sink on for her to drink out of.  No Chloe.  So I lay back down for about 10 more minutes and start to think that her dumb furry butt probably went outside too.  Since living in WA she thinks she is a wild hunter kitty and is obsessed with going outside.  So before going back out to the living room I check under the bed, no Chloe.  So I check all her favorite kitty sleeping spots, including under the guest bed...no Chloe.  I turn on the lights to the backyard and I see nothing but dead grass.  I check out of all the other windows...nothing.  So I finally walk outside and I hear a friendly "hello"/"meow" from my other furry moron.  I go to grab her and she darts.  DAMNIT!!!  I JUST WANT TO SLEEP...THE KID IS NOT HERE YET...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME GO TO BED!!!!  By the time I grab her I am so mad that I grab her scruff.  I never scruff Chloe because she usually behaves really well and RARELY needs a beating.  I had had it though, so she got scruffed and tossed inside.  As soon as she was in she BOLTED under the bed.  For the third time in 30 minutes I replaced the door cover.  I place the chair in front of the door and feel a slight sense of victory.  Of course I was so worked up by the time I got back into bed (on the way there I kicked all of the shoes out of my way because that is a much better solution) that I couldn't fall back asleep for over an hour.  Around 6:15 I was finally able to doze back off until the beloved Cat Genie started running at 9 am.  What an epic fail!

By the time I was finally calm enough to go back to sleep I had seriously considered calling the closest Chinese takeout place and selling the cats to them.  I even thought about having a custom order or Hunan chicken and Orange chicken made out of them.  I mean, with KC's size it would last probably a month!  Cat...the other other white meat.